Planning a wedding is an exciting time—and not just for the couple saying I do. The mothers will no doubt want to be involved in putting together the perfect day for their children, especially if they’re contributing financially to the wedding. While you want them to feel included, it’s normal to worry that they might try to take over with their own vision. Instead of stressing out, find things for them to do beforehand to make them feel like they’re a part of this special time. And remember, the easiest way to prevent any miscommunication and hurt feelings is to hold a meeting with both moms (either separately or together—whichever is easier) before you actually start planning. This will allow you to hear their expectations on how involved they want to be, you can share your wishes, and then you can all get on the same page. If you’re uncomfortable doing this with your future MIL, by all means, invite your partner along for the meeting. In the meantime, here are 10 to-dos to consider letting them get involved in when planning your vows.
Organize the Engagement Party
Unless you have a specific vision for the engagement party, this is an event that you can hand over to both of your mothers. It’s a great way for them to work together and get to know each other better.
Tour Wedding Venues
Once you and your future spouse have narrowed down some of your top wedding venues, invite the moms to take a tour through them before you book. You might be surprised how an extra set (or two) of eyes can help point out things you haven’t noticed or ask questions you never thought of before you make your final decision.
Go Dress Shopping
This is arguably one of the best parts of the wedding planning process, so both moms would surely love to join you for a dress shopping session. And you can help them pick out their gowns for the big day.
Keep Track of Vendors
You shouldn’t have to handle all of the vendors on your own. If you’re not hiring a wedding planner, ask each mom to be the liaison for select vendors you hire for the wedding day. They can be in charge of keeping track of appointments, balances due, and the wedding day timeline.
Plan the Bridal Shower
Traditionally, the bridal party is in charge of the shower, but the mother of the bride should definitely reach out and offer to plan (or pay for) this pre-wedding event. The bridesmaids will already be spending a good amount of money on the dresses and the bachelorette party, so they’ll probably be more than happy to hand it over.
Create the Guest List
Each mom will be able to help figure out who should be invited to the wedding, as well as the pre- and post-wedding festivities, from their respective sides of the family. If you’re hoping for a small wedding, you should give them direction on how many people they will be able to invite.
Share Family Traditions
It’s a sweet touch to incorporate some family or cultural traditions into your ceremony and reception—and who's a better resource in figuring out which ones to include than both moms? They can help you find photos and other mementos that you can showcase during your special day.
Follow Up with Guests
In a perfect world, every guest would RSVP to an event, whether they’re coming or not. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case, so you will have to reach out to family and friends who haven’t responded to your invite. Both moms can help out by calling those from their side of the family to find out if they’re attending.
Host the Rehearsal Dinner
This is usually planned by the mother of the groom, with the bridal party and out-of-town guests invited. Of course, go over any expectations and special requests with her before she starts searching for venues and making any big decisions.
Lend Support on the Big Day
The wedding day goes by in a flash, and you want to take in every moment. Allow the moms to help out with any vendors and guests that have any questions on the big day so you can simply focus on each other.
Hero photo courtesy of Markie Walden Photography